im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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