I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had to cum in my sink.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
