i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
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