Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She bit a glass in half.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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