he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
