My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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