The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
