I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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