I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
