this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
