i was born a porn star she said
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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