Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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