there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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