Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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