he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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