You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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