we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
