I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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