Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Terrible idea I love it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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