I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
