For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Congratulations! We have a period
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
