just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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