i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
