glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
