Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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