I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
