Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
