I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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