tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
