I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
