i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
