idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
