I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
