I wannas sexs uuuuu
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
