That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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