just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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