Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
