He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
