No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
