I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
