so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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