My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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