We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
