It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
