I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
