me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
