I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
