I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
