Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
