I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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